by Orpheus Black
It’s no secret that I am a bit of a poly snob and a non-monogamy separatist. I believe that the term poly denotes a specific branch on the non-monogamy tree (specifically committed polyandrous and polygynous dynamics) and that poly shouldn’t be used as an umbrella term to shelter other forms of non-monogamy.
That being said, I am not going to make this post about why poly differs from all the other lifestyles. No, today I just want to focus on one unifying aspect of poly….Community.
My grandfather, whom I consider the I-Ching of all relationship knowledge, told me, “When one person loves another they are a couple, but when those 2 people love another, and that love is returned, that’s called a family.” He said, “The only reason a family survives is through communing, i.e., living and loving along with other families. When they do this they form a 
community. It doesn’t matter whether you find that community in a church, a park, or at some local lodge. What’s important is that the community has a vested interest in the success of every family involved.”
When my grandfather told me this he was talking to me about how black people and black families survived slavery. But I think that the same holds true for our fragile poly community.
A group of individuals who love each other need a community, not just to belong, but to receive support from people who provide them with positive role models. This empowers each individual to grow as a role model for others in the community.
The community helps foster a strong value system that accounts for the wants and needs of the whole. It has respect for every member and holds everyone in the highest regard.
Lastly, as part of the community, members have an opportunity to actively participate in something bigger than them. Few people know the humbling experience of working within a group for the sole benefit of that group, setting aside ego and self-interest to do what’s best for the community, regardless of your personal status.
It teaches people to trust and to become trustworthy. It becomes a loving, non-judgmental, body that challenges us with tasks and responsibilities, inspiring each individual to hold themselves accountable for their words and actions.
More than anything else, a community gives its members the opportunity to practice togetherness, and that’s not something many of us get to experience.
To me, family and community is what defines polyamory because its all about living and loving communally.
by Orpheus Black
edited by WritetoMind
Filed under: Community, Polyamory, Uncategorized Tagged: Activism, Poly Community, Service
